Hate is a strong word, but i really don't like you
by eeniemeanie
Summary: Set during TDK. The joker hatches a plot to kill both Batman and Harvey, however, when he captures the woman they both love, he has a strange revelation. Romances gradual and r in l8r chapters various partnerings throughout. Rating may change.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N To explain, this story is set during TDK, however there are some events that don't occur in the film, but should fit into the film. So its not totally AU, more like these unseen pieces are little "deleted scenes" from the film. So, enjoy, RnR criticism welcome, flames laughed at :) The story has actually been rewritten a little in places, since i've just looked back at this after a year of it laying unnoticed**

Rachel strode purposefully down her path, eyes scanning the case files for today. She was meant to have done them yesterday, but being thrown out of the window of a skyscraper by a psychopathic clown had put quite a damper on her mood. Sighing, she tucked into the doughnut in her right hand.

She rounded the corner of her street and screamed, spilling coffee over herself. There was a clown outside her neighbour's house, surrounded by a group of squealing children. They all turned to look at her and she let out a shaky laugh.

'Happy Birthday' balloons were drifting about the lawn and the clown who looked at her was wearing an animal mask, a colourful balloon-dog half finished in his hands. He was wearing a typical clown costume, not the battered purple suit she was thinking of.

She blushed bright crimson and sped up past the group; they were giving her a funny look. She turned into the narrow alleyway shortcut to the main street, groaning inwardly at her stupidity.

Footsteps sounded behind her and her head whipped round. The clown from the party had followed her.

_He must think I'm insane. God, why am i so easy to scare. I expect he just wants to know i'm alright _Rachel reasoned with herself.

"Look I'm sorry for screaming. I'm fine, honestly, I thought you were someone else…"

The clown pulled off his animal mask. An image of scars, straggly hair and a knife flew through her mind as she whispered a single word.

"You!"

"Me" replied the joker calmly, pulling out a gun from under his clown costume.


	2. Chapter 2

Bruce sat in his luxury penthouse, bored out of his skull. Yawning long and loud, he grabbed the remote and settled back to watch the television. The morning news was running and he gazed at the screen, trying to fit the facts into his sleep-deprived mind.

He hadn't come home last night after the joker crashed his party. He'd spent the whole night hidden outside Rachel's house, waiting, watching for the joker. The joker hadn't showed up and when the lights in the house came on and his watch showed 7am, he had driven off, content that the joker hadn't come for her.

Now, three hours later, he was finally thinking about getting some sleep when the screen flickered and changed.

"_**Good morning Gotham! Do I have news for you." The jokers voice purred from the television**_

Bruce sat up quickly, all thoughts of sleep forgotten

_**Suddenly the screen showed footage of Rachel. She was strapped to a chair in a room he didn't recognise. She was dripping wet and her hands had deep welts in them. **_

"_**This is a message for Harvey Dent and The Batman" The voice hardened slightly**_

"_**You have one week to bring the others' head to me at oh, um, the hotel harmandez, 52nd street, room 56. I'd be quick though. Every twenty four hours that you do nothing, dear Rachel here looses a finger."**_

_**The camera's view flickered upwards and a woman screamed, not quite drowning out the maniacal laughs coming from the man holding the camera. **_

The channel changed abruptly back to the news, but Bruce was already out of the door. There was a distant hum of a motorbike being started, then a roar as it gunned down the street outside. The door swung shut in the breeze from the open window as the reporters on screen discussed the new disturbing developements.

Half an hour later, Albert wandered in absent mindedly with a blanket, hoping to find his young master finally getting some rest. His eyes flitted around the room, taking in the complete and utter lack of Bruce Wayne. He sighed and lay down on the couch instead, spreading the blanket over himself.

"Waste not want not." he muttered, knowing this was probably the only peace he'd get in a while...


	3. Chapter 3

Bruce sat in his luxury penthouse, bored out of his skull. Yawning long and loud, he grabbed the remote and settled back to watch the television. The morning news was running and he gazed at the screen, trying to fit the facts into his sleep-deprived mind.

He hadn't come home last night after the joker crashed his party. He'd spent the whole night hidden outside Rachel's house, waiting, watching for the joker. The joker hadn't showed up and when the lights in the house came on and his watch showed 7am, he had driven off, content that the joker hadn't come for her.

Now, three hours later, he was finally thinking about getting some sleep when the screen flickered and changed.

"_**Good morning Gotham! Do I have news for you." The jokers voice purred from the television**_

Bruce sat up quickly, all thoughts of sleep forgotten

_**Suddenly the screen showed footage of Rachel. She was strapped to a chair in a room he didn't recognise. She was dripping wet and her hands had deep welts in them. **_

"_**This is a message for Harvey Dent and The Batman" The voice hardened slightly**_

"_**You have one week to bring the others' head to me at oh, um, the hotel harmandez, 52nd street, room 56. I'd be quick though. Every twenty four hours that you do nothing, dear Rachel here looses a finger."**_

_**The camera's view flickered upwards and a woman screamed, not quite drowning out the maniacal laughs coming from the man holding the camera. **_

The channel changed abruptly back to the news, but Bruce was already out of the door. There was a distant hum of a motorbike being started, then a roar as it gunned down the street outside. The door swung shut in the breeze from the open window as the reporters on screen discussed the new disturbing developements.

Half an hour later, Albert wandered in absent mindedly with a blanket, hoping to find his young master finally getting some rest. His eyes flitted around the room, taking in the complete and utter lack of Bruce Wayne. He sighed and lay down on the couch instead, spreading the blanket over himself.

"Waste not want not." he muttered, knowing this was probably the only peace he'd get in a while...


	4. Chapter 4

The joker approached her laughing menacingly, knife in hand. She had heard the message and her eyes widened in shock. Yanking her hands uselessly against her restraints, she realised her feet were less tightly tied and began to pull at the bonds holding them.

The joker's eyes widened as he saw his prey escaping and he rushed forward cackling. A surge of desperate energy filled her as she jerked her legs apart and relief washed through her as the restraints snapped.

Raising her legs, she caught the joker's chest just in time, keeping him at bay with her straightened legs, her feet pushing into his abdomen. It took all of her strength to keep the lunatic off her. He was still coming at her, laughing, spraying spit all over her. He ran the blade of his knife down her exposed calf and she howled as it cut into muscle, making her leg lose the strength required to keep him away. Screaming angrily, she dredged up what energy she had left and quickly kicked him sharply in the groin with her uninjured leg.

He grunted and fell to the ground. The camera and knife clattered away onto the floor. She stood up awkwardly, knees bent, her hands still bound to the chair. The joker rolled over and dived for his fallen knife before standing holding it aloft triumphantly.

WHACK. Rachel pirouetted on the spot, smashing the chair into the joker. This time, he stayed down. Bending awkwardly around her injured leg, she managed to reach his knife. Cutting herself free of the cuffs, she started to run, well, hobble toward the door, then thought better of it and staggered back to the joker's prone form. Reaching into his pockets, she rid him of all the knives she could find.

_In all likeliness I'll be caught by one of his cronies before I escape. _She thought slipping a knife into her shoes, one into her waistline and yes, one into her bra. _If I'm captured, I might need these to escape again_ The handles poked into her thin frame painfully, but it was a necessary evil. Then she scouted about for the mangled remains of her plasticuffs. She snatched the arm restraints from the grimy floor where they'd fallen and spun around to face the joker, listening.

She could hear nearby footsteps approaching. The fat, loud footsteps of a beefy henchman. No, scratch that, hench_men_. There was more than one set of footsteps approaching. _These will have to do. _She strode over to the joker quickly, squatting down next to him on the floor. She tied his hands behind his back with the left over plasticuffs and hauled him upright. She slapped his cheek, shaking him until he came to.

"Why…?" He sighed out, a mock confused look on his face. "Beautiful, are you taking me hostage? And i thought _I_ was the bad person in this scene" He joked smirking; completely unbothered about the knife she was holding to his throat.

"Save it," She snapped, spinning him around so that he was infront of her. She licked her lips and peered over the jokers shoulder at the door. The handle twitched as the people on the other side discovered it was locked. A bang followed as something (or someone) large threw themselves at it.

"So, what actually is your plan?" The joker inquired conversationally. The question threw her as she considered for the first time what to do now. He snorted "And they say you're meant to be one of the smart ones..."

The door burst open and three men with guns entered, their eyes immediately falling on her. Their guns cocked with a menacing click.

"Shoot and I press harder" She pressed the knife gently to the jokers skin, drawing a thin line of blood.

The men looked at each other. None of them looked particularly bright, but they all looked disturbed. One was tall and skinny with black stringy hair. He was smiling and shaking slightly. Another was large with closely shaved hair that was bald in places. The last had dark skin and would have been handsome, except for the large white blotches spreading across his face. The arm that held the revolver was also white and looked unhealthy in the dim glow of the ceiling lights. From the way he held his gun and the way he stood, she could tell that he was the only professional among the three.

Drawing as much of her behind her human shield as possible, thanking god that he was so tall and muscled...she kept only her hand holding the knife exposed and kept moving so that he couldn't get a clear shot at it.

"It's alright Rashid, let her take me" The joker, called, layering his voice with suggestion and adding a wink for effect. Rachel was almost annoyed. If anything, the man sounded amused by her hostage taking.

She started forwards, only to find a cold metal cylinder forced into the back of her neck. She'd watched too many westerns to not know what it was. Releasing the joker, she dropped the knife to the floor with a dull clink.

Tears escaped her eyes as she sobbed uncontrollably on the outside whilst keeping an inner calm. She still had her other knives. The joker turned and leant close to her.

"I know your secret" He whispered eagerly to her, like a child telling tales.

"You liiiike me" He licked his tongue along his lips whilst wiggling his eyebrows.

She raised a curved eyebrow "Really." She replied disdainfully.

"Why else would you be feeling me up when I was semi-unconscious" She started to panic. He'd felt her taking the knifes. _Please, please don't check your pockets. _

She scoffed unconvincingly "You really are crazy if you think tha-"

"I think ," the joker growled, seizing the back of her head, "you **want** me"

Time seemed to speed up and before she could stop it he was yanking his wrists appart, snapping the cuffs in an easy display of strength and crushing his makeup coated lips onto hers, pinning her arms between her body and his. _Well, at least he didn't check his pockets _a small voice stated timidly whilst her senses idly noted that he was a MUCH better kisser than Harvey and Bruce were. _Shut up shut up _her mind screamed at her body. She struggled to keep her form stiff and uncooperative, even though a large, dark part of her wanted to respond to his lips in kind...


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thankyou reviewers for um..reviewing. I meant to continue this a couple of days ago, but my computer got a BAD virus which completely murdered all my fanfic files. I lost all my plans for Batman things, Harry potter, Merlin...It was a nightmare honestly. Thanks for waiting so patiently for me to update, I hope you like, this hopefully reveals some of where the plots going :)**

Chapter five

The kiss lasted on a brief few seconds more before she snapped out of the trance she was in. The joker ran one hand through her hair and with the other cupped the small of her back. She repressed the urge to shudder and glanced around him at the room while he kissed her neck. The three men had gone, leaving the door they'd entered through open and unlocked. She twisted her head just in time to see another henchman disappearing through a concealed door. He was the one that had put the gun next to her head.

The joker grabbed her face and turned it back to him. _I have to go along with him _she thought queasily_ at least for now. God this is wrong. He's holding me exactly right. Harvey always holds me like I'm made of glass. _She started to move her lips with the joker _whatever happens, I will not enjoy myself, I won't… _

Just as she was running out of breath, he left her lips and ran his tongue lightly down her jawbone. The action disgusted her slightly, it was so…animal. Nevertheless, she had a part to play.

She ran her still gently pinned down hands down his chest smoothly, slowly. He responded by once more taking her face in his hands and kissing her harder. She hadn't realised they'd been moving until her back hit a cold wall. Leaning back on it, her hands reached his waistline and slid slowly across to her trouser waistline.

"You don't waste time," he murmured in her ear, striking rage into her heart. He really thought she was some cheap slut who wouldn't put up a fight. _Think again clowny _

In one fluid movement, she drew out the knife she'd hidden in her waistline earlier and shanked the joker in the calf, twisting it as it moved in deep. He howled and drew back from her, blood spurting almost comically out of his leg wound.

"I would never want you EVER" She spat contemptuously.

She sprinted for the door, knife dripping a trail of blood, her calf injury stinging painfully as she put her weight on that leg. The hidden door started to swing open again as she skidded out the main door, slamming it shut behind her. The keys were still in the lock like she hoped they'd be. She turned the key and felt a small sense of satisfaction when she heard someone inside rattling the handle. She laughed manically. This was too easy.

_Where the hell am I? Everything here looks the same. _She was standing in a deserted corridor of the building she was being held captive in. She'd fooled a master criminal, performed an act of violence, stolen the keys to all the rooms in the building, but had still managed somehow to not escape. Clattering down a metal staircase, hysteria started to set in. Trying every door she came across, she stumbled in to a room of Henchmen playing cards. They turned and looked up at her, obviously surprised. She froze in the doorway before turning and sprinting away down the corridor, the joker's men in hot pursuit. Diving into a side room, she locked the door behind her, only to discover that her luck was definitely turning.

She had stumbled onto what was evidently the jokers weapon haul. Knives and guns dangled off hooks on the walls, which were lined with shelf upon shelf of ammunition. Plans were laid out on a desk in the far corner.

She ran over and stuffed as many plans into her pocket as she could. She took a gun and some ammunition she hoped would fit it. There was also another set of keys, this one for a bmw lying on the table. She pocketed the keys before crossing to the room's single window. It was heavy with grime and wouldn't budge. _Ah well, that would be too good to be true. _She loaded the gun as best as she could work out and pointed it at the window.

_I hope I put the bullets in right. I really should have asked Bruce about these things. Then again, I never thought I would need to use a gun. _She pointed the gun at the window and carefully squeezed the trigger. Nothing happened. Screaming in frustration, she threw the gun at the window, leaving a gun shaped hole in the dusty glass.

Laughing at how stupid she must look, she karate kicked the window until no glass remained. Exhilaration coursed through her as she peered over the ledge.

There was about a twenty-foot drop to a van parked underneath the window. She considered it briefly, glancing around the room for something that would help her descent. A bullet shot through the door near the keyhole. They'd found her. She would have to jump. Taking deep breaths, she quickly swept the room with her eyes. A hook attached to some wire was stuffed under the desk. She grabbed it and hooked it over the windowsill like a grappling hook and jumped just as a bullet shot into the lock of the door.

She fell ten feet, gripping the rope hard, grimacing as it burnt the skin off her hands. Swinging back i towards the wall, she crashed into it before letting go of the rope. She dropped the last ten feet onto the van and rolled off it to the pavement quickly as a spray of bullets hit the van. She ran through the street, unsure of her direction, stumbling over obstacles.

After ten minutes she slowed to a halt. Her initial adrenalin rush had long since faded and now all her problems came rushing back. Her wrists throbbed and she couldn't stop shivering as her nose ran. In her hand she still gripped the knife she'd stabbed the joker with. The cut on her leg was bleeding again as she stomped down the streets, drawing strange looks from passers by as she meandered her way vaguely in the direction of home, Bruxe, a police station. Wherever she got to first.

A police car drew up besides her, ordering her to drop her weapon. She giggled feebly at them before her eyes rolled up into her skull and she collapsed from exhaustion.

_I collapsed on the floor giggling, holding in the blood she'd drawn with my hand pressed onto the wound. She was a feisty one, but self-centred, believing in coincidence. I knew better. There was no such thing. _

"_Boss?" One of my men stood there with his gun, a little afraid of me._

"_Did she take the bait?"_

"_Yes, she took the plans, the keys, even a few of the guns. She left through the window using that rope we left her."_

"_Yes, yes, good, but did she BELIEVE it? Did she really think she stumbled into that room, that everything was there by coincidence." I laughed long and loud. The man flinched. People often do that when I laugh._

"_Yes sir, she did" He quailed under the suddenly empty look I flashed him._

"_Well then I don't need you any more, do I?" I stated coldly, pulling out my gun._

**Mwahahahahaaa next chapter coming up soons :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you guys for the reader ratings on this fic, it makes me happy to see that people are enjoying this story. Reviewers keep reviewing, I love you guys, you genuinely brighten up my day, but I'll shut up now and get on with this chapter. Sorry for the delay.**

She stood next to Jim shivering. The lieutenant was surveying the scene cautiously, suspiciously. He didn't believe it was a coincidence that she'd found the plans for the mayor's assassination. Neither did she.

Harvey had believed it was 'chance' and 'fate' of course. He had an unhealthy obsession about risk and luck. Maybe he'd been a gambler in a past life. He'd convinced the mayor to put men on the roofs of the buildings. The shooter would be placed in the window of one of the buildings. The only problem was, there were so many windows, half the police force were up there covering all of them.

She glanced around the relatively unprotected plaza. She stood on the platform next to Jim exchanging worried glances. The mayor appeared at the end of the street leading the parade. Jim rushed off to meet him and walk him along to the stand. The mayor approached the stand unhindered and began to give a tedious speech about the commissioner and his commitment to the city of Gotham.

_Yeah right, when he wasn't busy having a 'coffee' with his secretary. I wonder who'll take the big job now. _She glanced at Jim, worry lines creasing his forehead _I hope its Jim. He deserves it. He's a good man. _He saw her looking and walked over to her side, smiling.

"Maybe we were wrong." He murmured out of the corner of his mouth, still smiling at the crowd. "Everything's gone fine..." He sounded so hopeful. Her reply was quick and blunt. She regretted it later.

"Lets not jinx it hmm, Lieutenant? After all it's your department that's got a leak and that has failed to catch this man"

Even the first two shots from the honour guard could not drown out her cutting remark. Pain flitted across his face as he looked away from her and in the brief heartbeat after she said it, she wished that she could take it back. Then one of the guards turned around and aimed at the mayor.

Jim moved so much quicker than she'd ever seen him move. Hurling himself forwards to pull the mayor down, straight into the path of the bullet, his body seemed to ripple as the projectile sliced through flesh and bone. She did not stop to check his pulse. In her oh so rational head she knew that Jim Gordon was dead. He would never read his kids a bedtime story again, never capture a villain again, laugh, cry or smile again. His soul's broken vessel lay spread-eagled on the floor from where it had soared to feet from her. She could never take back her spiteful last words, the last words he'd ever heard.

She felt herself moving after the retreating back of the shooter, imprinting what he'd looked like into her minds eye. She'd never been good at sports and stumbled slightly at first, cursing her weak leg, but as the adrenaline began to pump through her form she found herself sprinting like an Olympian.

_If only miss Marshall could see me now _she thought wryly of her stout middle-aged sports teacher.

Another shot rang out across the square as she sprinted past an ambulance, slowing down as she saw the man who the police had managed to capture being dragged inside a van by Harvey.

_Good, one down _She glanced around and panicked when she saw the shooter and his group had got further away. _Oh no you don't. _She began running again, faster and faster, dodging people running the opposite direction. _You will pay. _She frowned _just exactly how I'm going to make you pay hasn't occurred to me yet, but I'll think of something. For Jim. _As she thought the deceased lieutenants name, a pang of guilt washed over her. In her heart of hearts she knew that she wasn't running towards Jims killer, but away from her guilt.

_The gun twitched in my hand as the bullet escaped violently. People screamed around me but I had eyes only for my target. Damn. That policeman, Gordon, had brought down the mayor. _Took a bullet for the president. Well, sorta, except he's only a mayor… _my mind remarked lazily. My body however, was bolting from the scene, shooting anyone that got in my damn way. _Stupid people. Stupid town. Stupid country. Stupid world. _My brain muttered to itself again. _

You really should stop thinking about your brain as a second person _my brain remarked snidely. _People will think you're going insane.

"_I'm not insane," I snapped_

"_Er, did you say something boss?" The man smirked at me like I was four. I shot him in the leg and the police caught him. He'd always got on my nerves._

_I laughed exhilaratingly. Nothing could stop me. So what if I'd missed the mayor? I'd proved it. Proved that I could fool the Batman._

"_Erm boss.." The man flinched as I raised my gun "please don't shoot me" he grovelled._

"_Speak fast" I yawned. Some of the men were losing distance from the police. I didn't bother waiting for them. _

"_That woman's following us" he jabbered. _

_I glanced behind us. Out in front of the police was a woman in a black dress that reached her knees. She wore a black hat that partially hid her face, but I could tell who she was a mile of. Beautiful. She really was beautiful though, I didn't call her it for nothing. Her long legs were stretched to the limit, pounding towards me, leaving the police behind. Her dress was slipping up slightly as she ran._

_After a while, when we'd dodged through backstreets and around corners, it was only her left pursuing us. I smiled. Perfect._


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N - The first part of this is in third person, but the rest swaps between the viewpoints of Rachel and the joker. In the joker parts, writing in bold is the other side of his thoughts.**

Damn. She had lost him. She panted loudly in the still silence of the street whilst spinning on the spot, hoping to catch a glimpse of the guys in uniform. The parade was long left behind and the police had given up chasing the assassin, who just had to be the joker. But she hadn't. She couldn't go back now, how stupid would she look? Of course Harvey would be delighted she was back. She could almost see his face as he lectured her;

"_That was stupid Rachel, running off like that" That silly little crease appeared between his eyes as he frowned condescendingly, "You could have got seriously injured."_

She snorted. What was his problem? Its not as if he never put _himself _in danger, in fact he was always taking the most stupid of risks. But she did love him…

THERE!

A face disappeared back around the corner of the nearest building. _Gotcha._ Her hand slipped up to the gun strapped to her leg. She unfastened the strap holding it there and gripped it hard. Bruce had taught her how to use it at her request. She hadn't told him that it had belonged to the joker. She glanced at the name engraved on the handle.

_James Endersby_ she read musing. A perfectly ordinary name on a perfectly ordinary gun that was owned by the most extraordinary man. She shook the thoughts out of her head and started off towards where she'd seen the clown mask draw behind the building. _Knowing the joker, he won't be around there; he'll sneak up behind me when I round the corner._ She cocked the gun and happened to glance in the nearest shop window.

A young brunette all in black looked back at her coolly. She wore a tailored charcoal jacket over a ash grey skirt. The top buttons on the white shirt she was wearing beneath the jacket had burst off as she ran, revealing her cleavage ever so slightly. The belted pencil skirt of the suit had been torn short and now only came down to the middle of her thigh, revealing the tops of her fishnet thigh-highs.

She laughed. She had to. She looked like a cross between a secretary and a prostitute. The laughter grew louder, deranged as she realised how stupid she'd been coming after the joker. Now she'd have to go back to Harvey looking like this. The laughter turned hysterical as she began almost crying with pent-up frustration. Her world was falling apart around her and everyone except her knew why. Why did the joker come after her again? Why did Harvey never capture Maroni? Why did Alfred care so much about her? Why did Jim Gordon have to die? Questions without answers. A boyfriend who told her nothing, a best friend who hated her boyfriend and a man with a painted face. The men in her life were like characters from a film. One was too loving, one was a vigilante and the other was mad.

She turned around and leant her back against the window, the gun clattered away from her she slid down the cool glass to slump on the floor. Nothing in her life was real. Nobody knew her at all. She laughed derisively. Least of all Harvey. God who was she kidding? She didn't love him; she stayed with him out of convenience. Bruce would never understand that she didn't love him back, that she would only ever love him as a brother. Harvey had been a best friend, someone to talk to and trust. When he'd asked her out, she had been too scared to refuse, too afraid to lose his friendship. Harvey had always understood her like no other man had, but he just didn't know how to act when he was with her.

She closed her eyes as her deranged laugh ended in a weak chuckle. She was in trouble. She could never split with Harvey. He loved her. He wanted to marry her. Bruce would think she had split to come running into his arms and she would have to tell him the truth too. It would break Bruce's heart, it would break her heart, but she didn't know what else to do. She loved so many people, in so many different ways except for that one, crucial way. She just didn't know what to do any more.

"What's so funny?" Demanded a soft lyrical voice from in front of her. She didn't bother to open her eyes. She knew it was him.

"My tragedy of a life" She yawned back at him, leaning her head back so it hit the window with a dull _**thunk **_

"You look…different…do something with your hair?" The joke was terrible but she took the opportunity to laugh anyway, tears streaming from her eyes as she despaired again. There was the sound of him squatting in front of her as he took her face in his hands. Shying away from his touch, she opened her eyes and saw him for the first time, falling silent mid-laugh.

**Rachel's POV**

His hair was its natural colour and parts of it poked out from under the cap of his honour guard uniform, which was pulled down over the top of small, deep brown eyes that flashed dangerously at me. Now that I could see them without that horrible red makeup, his scars looked a lot less threatening. I reached up and traced one with my finger, making him tense slightly and pull away. They were actually shaped more like a tick than a smile, curved on one side of his mouth and a straight line on the other. He smiled and it wasnt threatening. With him keeping his lips sealed and the lack of makeup, he just looked like a regular guy. The scars stretched with his smile and practically disappeared into it, making him look like he was actually grinning from ear to ear. I laughed and his eyes took on a hard, yet somehow injured look. I reached my hand out again to cup his cheek quickly. Then there was a scuffling sound from around the corner, reminding me of the other henchmen. Backtracking quickly, I clamped my mouth shut from where it was hanging open and withdrew my hand from his cheek. This earned another hurt look. He went to stand and I grabbed his wrist, pulling him back down.

"I didn't mean it like that, its just you looked so different without that makeup on you and when you smiled-"He smiled again at my babbling and my stomach flipped over in my chest.

"When I smiled?" he softly encouraged me to continue. I'd gathered my mind back together and the stubborn part of me refused to continue what I was about to say.

"Nothing" I whispered and he accepted it. I reached up and touched his scars again lightly. "How did you really get them?" I realised too late that I'd asked the wrong question. His hands shook slightly as they held my face, stroked my cheek once before dropping limply to his side as he stood abruptly.

His face hardened as he smiled his other smile, showing all of his yellow teeth in a loud laugh that jarred my ears. The other man, the one who'd spoken so softly, cupped my face so gently, yet firmly in his rough hands, was gone. The man who'd killed Jim Gordon was back. As the Joker laughed, he reached toward me and unlike the time at Bruce's party, I didn't flinch. A brief frown passed his face at that and he grabbed me tighter, squashing the air out of me. Stupidly, I found myself blushing at the closeness between us. He noticed too and stopped in his tracks incredulously. The man beneath the mask looked out of his eyes at me with concern and another emotion I didn't recognise. For one impossible second, I looked into his eyes and felt safe. Then another man ran around the corner.

"Boss, we gotta go" The man leered at me and I blushed again, remembering what I looked like. I tried to pull my skirt down a little as more men walked around the corner. They started chuckling amongst themselves as I tried to pull my ruined shirt over myself.

"First person to look at her badly gets a bullet in the balls" snarled the joker, pulling me to one side and waving his gun threateningly. The men shut up quickly and averted their eyes from me. I raised my eyebrows at him, but he refused to look me in the eye.

"Lets move" He snapped, pulling me along by the arm behind him, surreptitiously placing me behind him, away from the gazes of the men. I smiled slightly. Maybe the man I'd seen was still there, hidden, but there. I wasn't sure if it was my imagination, but his grip on me was a lot looser, gentler than before. Our little group of criminals walked down a couple of streets, attracting strange looks from the few passers by that there were. I cringed under their gaze, which was ridiculous given my predicament.

"They probably think you're some badass criminal that we're arresting" The joker murmured to me and I laughed, seeing the truth in his words as I looked at how they watched me in fear, yet didnt give the men in their guard uniform a second glance.

We came to a van parked up on the sidewalk and the other guys got in. The joker, however, steered me in the direction of a grungy looking hotel beside the van. The guy at the desk looked at the joker knowingly and smirked at me. The joker's hand started moving closer to his gun and I grabbed it with my free hand.

"Don't" I hissed into his ear, standing on tiptoe. He was rigid as a board, glaring at the man who was openly surveying me. I tugged on his hand and the man at the desk leered at me like the guys from earlier.

"Please" I whispered and the joker turned his face to look at me. I could clearly see the barely controlled anger in the lines of his face as he turned to glare at the man.

"He thinks you're a-"

"I know" I moved between him and the other guy and hesitantly took his face in both hands "Its fine," I assured him "Really, its fine".

He finally turned his gaze back to me and suddenly i realised just how close we were together. He raised a shaking hand to my jawbone and brought my lips to his. It wasn't like the first time we kissed, nothing like it. This time, I _wanted _him to kiss me.

"HEY!" the desk guy exclaimed, "you got a room! Go to it!"

We broke apart quickly and to my shame I felt another blush creeping up my cheeks. The joker looked…embarrassed. The expression was barely visible, but it still shocked me. He cleared his throat, took my arm again and led me away into the elevator, turning his face away from me.

The silence between us on the journey up to the room was almost painful. He had relinquished my arm and was leaning away from me slightly. My guts were rolling around inside me in anguish; what had I done wrong? What was happening to me? Why did i want him to kiss me? Oh god, did i like him? No, impossible, the joker was a criminal. But the other man, the one under the surface that i'd briefly see... I glanced at his closed features. The real question was did he like me?

He sighed and walked out of the elevator when it arrived, not bothering to take my arm. I followed uncertainly as he opened a door labelled 215, leaving it ajar behind him. The room was small and contained only a single bed, a desk full of papers and an empty bedside table. The walls were a beige-yellow colour and the floor was a dark threadbare brown carpet. It was the complete opposite to Harvey's luxury flat that he'd insisted I moved into with him. The joker threw his police cap on the bed and stretched his arms, the muscles on his back contracting under his shirt. God that looked sexy. His hair fell out in a coppery, light-brown mess. He yawned and headed across the room to the only other door.

"I'm going to re-dye my hair, get changed" He threw over his shoulder before closing the door that I assumed led to the bathroom. I sank onto the bed and looked around the room at the bland colours. My gaze fell on the desk and I walked over to it curiously.

**Jokers POV**

I shoved my head under the cascading water, relishing the feel of it running down my face, drowning out what had just happened. I was an idiot, a buffoon, a stupid ass. The water was running cold but I didn't care. My thoughts were only on Rachel, how she'd looked slumped outside that shop, tears streaming down her face, out of her mind laughing. She looked like she was in pain, she looked like me on a bad day. But...that was a good thing! I wanted her to suffer, little Rachel Dawes, girlfriend of the "noble" Harvey Dent... But there was something worse about the way she'd laughed like that, because i thought she was so strong. Even when I'd held a knife to her face she'd stuck to her morals. She'd fought me then, amazed everyone in the room. Feisty, so so strong. Then in the warehouse, pulling that little trick, seducing me, using my own knife on me. Nobody had tricked me in such a long long time. Now she was broken and it must have been me that had done it. I didn't regret it, the part of me that was the joker never could. But I felt like a child who just broke their favourite toy by accident. Only now that it was broken did i appreciate how much i liked it when it was working. Why else would she cry like that? And why the hell did i kiss her just now? The first time, well, i was just making her uncomfortable, but just now...

I pulled my head out from under the shower as i realised it was awfully quiet in the next room. The thought she'd left occurred to me and for some reason I panicked. I leapt out of the shower and began yanking on my clothes, not bothering to button up my shirt. I burst out of the room, hair dripping, calling her name out.

She was standing next to the desk trembling. She held a stack of photos in her hand and I fell silent. The evil part inside me wanted to taunt her about the images, but I didn't. Several minutes passed and she still didn't move, staring at the photographs in her hand. I knew that she would want to leave now and for some reason that made me feel even worse than usual. She would go to him, demand answers. Because she loved him. She would never love me. And why did that bother me...?

**Rachel's POV**

He just stood there watching me, his hair dripping onto the blue shirt he'd left unbuttoned; the purple trousers of his suit were crumpled and had obviously been pulled on in haste as well. He said nothing, but his eyes said everything. I looked down at the photos in my hands. They'd been taken one after the other like a slideshow. Over and over it played as I looked through them.

They had all been taken late at night. The first was of Harvey coming out of his car outside his flat. The second was him holding out a hand to someone in the car. The third was Maroni getting out of the car. The fourth was them kissing. There was a date scrawled in the corner of the last one. It was dated about a week ago. My best friends birthday. I'd gone out for the evening with her, leaving Harvey alone to watch a DVD. Or so i'd thought...

Several minutes had past and I knew the joker was getting tense. I licked my lips. "Well, at least I know why Maroni never gets caught now." My voice was completely controlled as my mind reeled.

**Wow this chapter was actually quite long compared to my usual lengths. Please review, and if people could also give suggestions of ideas for a real name for the joker, that'd be great too, as I am completely undecided and its getting a little repetitive calling him 'the joker' all the time.**


	8. Chapter 8

**So, the joker's real name is Jack Napier and yeah, the canon story from the comics is that he fell into a vat of chemicals and mucked up his face. I however will not be using that story *winces as all you readers throw stuff at me* Sorry, i know some people like to keep it traditional, but the story wouldn't work without the backstory i thought up. **

**Jokers POV**

I felt kinda sorry for her, really I did. I know how it feels to love someone and have him or her taken away. I knew that well. Too well.

I slicked back my hair and searched around for something to say, anything to break the silence. I stuck my thumbs into my trouser pockets, rocking back onto the balls of my feet. All I could find was jokes. Finally I managed to stumble out something a decent human would probably say. The apology felt sour in my mouth. I hadn't used the word in years.

"I'm really sorry" I spread my hands and shrugged my shoulders, but somehow i couldn't get into my joker persona without my makeup on and the hair dye. The man in the makeup mask, with the dyed hair and evil mannerisms was the joker. The guy underneath was...well, me. We were completely different. Yet not. I don't know. Its been a long time since i've just been me. Being me is so much harder than being the joker. Being the joker...i could do whatever i wanted and throw the consequences out of the window.

"I'm not" She replied bluntly. "I didn't love him"

Now I was getting confused. She was always hanging off his arm, laughing at _his _jokes. She obviously loved him. She was just putting on a brave face. Hell, its what I did every day. Well, metaphorically. All i put on was makeup, but its the same difference.

"Really?" I grinned and she flinched. Damn. Wrong reaction.

"Don't smile like that I hate it." It felt like a slap in the face. It hurt more though and I haven't been hurt in a long time. Well, not hurt by a woman that is. It's because this time its me thats hurting. When i'm the joker, its not my scars that people stare at. Its not me they detest, its him. God i need help.

"You said you liked my smile" My voice sneered slightly, the joker creeping in. I knew I was hurting her, but a large part of me didn't care. The tiniest part of me, me before the scars and the guns cared. But like I said, that part of me was tiny, buried beneath years of denial. I had only been able to hear it today because of taking my mask off. Being me instead of the joker for a while. I hated the exposure. Though it had definitely been an interesting experience.

"I don't like the jokers smile." She turned around and faced me. I thought she'd been crying but her eyes were completely dry. She'd told the truth. She didn't love Harvey Dent.

Now I just had to figure out why that made me so happy. The joker part wasn't happy that she'd noticed that for a brief time, i'd been myself again. I'd been Jack again. That wouldn't do at all.

**Rachel's POV**

Why hadn't Harvey told me? I would have understood him being gay, would have almost welcomed it. I could have ducked out of our relationship months ago, never even entered into it. I just didn't understand why he was with Maroni. I hope that the whole 'Clean up Gotham' enthusiasm wasn't sparked by a lovers quarrel between them. That would be ridiculous. I placed the pictures on the desk and turned to face him. His hair was a clean bronze that he'd slicked back to stop from dripping. I was glad that he hadn't had the time to dye it again. His eyes were a sea of emotions. Anger, happiness, grief and, strangely, concern rode on the chocolate waves. The light from the window lit up his face, showing his scars in sharp contrast. I will never know how I once thought him deformed. His open shirt revealed small, yet defined abdominal muscles.

I smiled sadly. "I like _your _smile" I silently told his unreadable face. I walked over and began doing up his shirt buttons.

"Don't we need to go soon?" I asked him, avoiding his face. I was already beginning to realise how little i knew about how i felt about him. All i knew was that i certainly didn't hate him, which is how i should feel.

**Jokers POV**

Her hands were cold as they brushed my skin. Déjà vu tickled my senses as she began to do up my shirt quickly and quietly. 'We' have to go, she'd said. Not 'you' have to go or 'I' have to go. We have to go. She was staying and my heart soared at that tiny little fact. What the hell was wrong with me today?

She reached up and stood on tiptoes to do my top buttons. Now I looked at her, she was quite short compared to me, even in her heels. I smiled at her and sat down on the edge of the bed so she could reach easier. I don't know why I let her. It was only when she reached the top two buttons I held up my hand.

"Not them, I never do them up. Makes me look like a businessman." I informed her, reaching for my green waistcoat. She helped me into it, despite my protests of being able to dress myself. Even to me, my protests sounded weak and half-hearted.

"Where's your tie?" She asked, looking straight at me with her grey blue orbs. I was thrown by her sudden question and waved vaguely in the direction of my mossy green tie hanging over the bedstead. She grabbed it and looped it over my neck. Her fingers moved nimbly as they tied the material in its proper way. I frowned. Normally I just make a random knot in the thing. I only really wear it on business. Mob business that is.

"Why exactly are you dressing me?" I murmured raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I don't see you protesting that hard" She replied casually, avoiding my question. "What are you going to about your hair" She frowned brushing it with her fingers. "You didn't get a chance to dye it." Her face wore a very strange look as she ran her fingers through my hair. The déjà vu was getting worse every minute.

"Wow its really thick-" I grabbed her hand, pulling it away from my hair.

"Don't" I hissed, before repeating normally with a laugh " Don't. I don't want you to mess it up". I let go of her and walked away quickly, grabbing my suit jacket from the bathroom along with the green dye. Pulling out a large bag from under the bed, I swept all the papers off the desk into it.

"Come on" I muttered before leaving the room without a backward glance, feeling her hurt gaze on the back of my neck.

**Rachel's POV**

Once again I was left wondering what I had done wrong. As soon as I helped him get dressed, his face took on a pained expression, like he was at the dentist. Then he practically ran from the room. I frowned slightly as I glanced back at my shaking hands. It was a wonder how I'd been able to do those buttons. Now I'd seen what he wore close up, I was amazed by the detail on his waistcoat and shirt. Almost invisible patterns ran across the beautifully soft material. Before I'd thought it was just some cheap, battered old suit with a shirt thrown on under it. It was more interesting than what other men wore, I suppose. Always boring black or grey suits with boring black ties, black briefcases and grey unsmiling faces. My whole life was grey, even me. No fun, no true laughter, just people exploiting each other, lying all the time.

Since I'd met the joker all I'd had was colour. Green hair, white faces and red, red lips. I had to snap myself out of visualising his perfect scar broken lips to scuttle after him. He was holding the elevator for me and I entered without a word.

On the way down I remembered the guy at the desk. Shivering, I pulled my clothes around me as far as possible. The joker must have been looking at me, because, without a word, he took of his jacket and handed it to me. Goosebumps popped up all over my skin as I slipped it on.

**Jokers POV**

Well wasn't I becoming the proper gentleman? Giving her my coat? Why the hell did I do that? I'd think I was going mad if I wasn't already. A weird part of me was satisfied as it watched her wrap the jacket around herself, smiled inwardly at how big it was on her. She looked like a kid in her dad's clothes. The sleeves were way too long and the bottom came down to her mid-thigh. It probably stank as well, but she looked happy. Somehow that was enough for me to justify giving away a piece of me.

"I'll take you home" I kept my eyes straight ahead. I could see her in the mirrored walls of the lift though. For some reason she looked disappointed.

"Why? I know where you've been staying." Was she trying to stay with me? Why would she do that, did she actually want to stay with me? Did I want her to stay? I was so thrown by her question all jokes and snide comments flew from my mind. Most people I kidnap wouldn't question me taking them home, besides she couldn't stay. I was a criminal and she was assistant DA. Definitely not a match made in heaven. Not that i would want to be a perfect match for her. Hell no.

"Then I'll move somewhere else. I've been here too long anyway." I was lying, I didn't have anywhere else to go and I was meant to be staying here until the end of the week.

"You want me to go?" She hung her head. I would have thought she was sad, but considering she was a hostage that was being let go, no doubt she was busting with joy.

"Yes" I answered firmly, lying again "You go back to Harvey and forget everything you found. Or don't forget. Yeah, thinking about it, ditch the bastard. Find a decent bloke, marry him, have three beautiful kids, name the little girls Charlotte or...or Emily or i don't know, something cutesy beginning with L. Name the boys Matthew, or Thomas or Sam. Get a house with a white picket fence and live the dream." I looked at her standing next to me in the tiny space of the elevator. "and get a dog." i added as an afterthought. I like dogs. "and name the dog Jake." I nodded, finally done.

"Jake?" She raised an eyebrow at me. I didnt reply and she sighed. "So you expect me to just forget

"You have to. It's not like you could stay with me. I'm a criminal remember? It might destroy your reputation just a bit. Besides I don't hurt women-"

"You threw me out a window before, what's the problem now?" Damn why did she have to be so smart.

"Only because I knew Batman would save you. Why, do you want me to throw you out one again? Because if you really want it, i'll be only too happy to oblige" Another lie. Normally I lied like mad, not caring what I said. But every time I lied to her it felt like a betrayal. Its because she's vulnerable, my mind desperately tried to reason with my actions. And because normally i'm being the ruthless joker.

The lift bell pinged as we reached the ground floor and I left quickly before I got thrown any more awkward questions. The clock over the reception read 13:30. Only half an hour had passed since I'd shot the policeman. It felt so much longer than that. But it had been long enough that i'd let my guard down. It was time to put it back up.

**Rachel's POV**

"I'm going to sign out" The joker informed the man at the desk. The guy smirked at us, assuming the absolute opposite of what had really gone on.

"Sure, name?"

"Joe Kerr" I giggled slightly at the joke and the joker smiled back at me. The guy at the desk frowned.

"What's so funny? Hey, haven't I seen you before?" He scratched his balding head and shrugged " You need to pay $150" He informed the joker, who smirked.

"Sure " he reached across towards me and my heart forgot to beat. He grinned suggestively at me before reaching into the inside jacket pocket, his hand warm through the material. He pulled out a bundle of notes and threw them to the guy casually. The receptionist's eyes bugged out as he counted the money.

"Keep the change" The joker told him nonchalantly as the receptionist stared at the $2000 in bills he was holding. I laughed and followed the joker out of the door. I surreptitiously sniffed the lapel of the suit jacket. It smelt of gunpowder, metal and freshly pressed money. It smelt of him. I stopped sniffing when he looked at me curiously.

"Does it smell or something" He actually sounded slightly embarrassed. I smiled, mentally printing his image into my brain. God, I must be going out of my mind. These feelings are so strange considering i'm looking at the most wanted man in Gotham.

"It smells fine." I reassured him. I couldn't help wondering if he acted like this usually, or just around me. He nodded vaguely at my reply and banged on the side of the van his henchmen had disappeared into earlier. Without pausing he walked up to the front of the vehicle while the driver got out. He threw the guy in the passenger seat out onto the street and gestured to me to get in.

There were two passenger seats. I chose the one nearest him, hoping he wouldn't think I was suggesting something. He nodded at me absently and started the car. I could hear men talking in the back of the van through a steel wall. They seemed to be discussing how to get Lau out of prison and normally I would have listened intently, but today I only had eyes and ears for the joker. I watched him when he wasn't looking, taking in every detail, every movement he made as he pulled smoothly away from the hotel and cruised down the road, one hand on the wheel, the other casually hanging out of the window. I noticed a couple of scars on his arms too, but knew better than to ask about them.

We drove for ten minutes through the midday traffic until we reached Harvey's apartment building. I stayed where I was, looking up at the expensive, brooding building and suddenly wished I was back in the simple little room the joker owned.

**Joker's POV**

I could only sit there and watch as she slipped out of my life forever. Oh, god, kill that thought it was painfully cliche. But still, the point stood.

Holy shit I hate my life. It was just one problem after another causing nothing but sorrow for me and the people around me. I liked her. I really did. My heart beat almost as fast for her as it had done for Emily. If there was a god he hated me, because Rachel Dawes with her steel-blue eyes and thick brown hair could never be mine. Ever. After this I would leave Gotham. Never come back. I wouldn't risk her. I wouldn't have another Emily. I wouldn't have anything anymore, because i didn't control my own life. I didn't have a life. The person i used to be had only resurfaced for a brief half an hour. And now it was time for him to die again. And with his death, this weird feeling would die too. Because the joker didn't love her, I did. It was messed up, but it was like i could be two people. The person i was now, the joker, and the person i used to be, the one who died so that the joker could be born. So that they wouldn't have to deal with the hurt in their own life anymore, but make other people hurt. Wow, i really did need a shrink.

"What do I say to Harvey?" She looked so beautiful in the light. It was only now that I'd had time to think, realised that she had to go and never see me again, that I finally saw my feelings for her. Well, not feelings. More like the teeny tiny flower buds of feelings that were just waiting to bloom. And i couldn't let them bloom.

"You tell him you ran after me but never found me. You tell him you want to leave him. Then you go and find another man. It's easier that way. You're both free to carry on with your lives" I whispered, hesitating. She just continued to stare out of the windscreen, her expression unreadable. "You'll find another man Rachel" _Because you're beautiful _I wanted to add but didn't. She would never accept me. That much was certain. She was a DA and i was the bad guy. She was a hunter and i was the prey. Last time i checked, a Tigress doesn't fall in love with her dinner.

**Rachel's POV**

I had to say it. I was certain now. There was another man. There was someone who, though i didn't understand it, set my heart fluttering about in my chest like a hummingbird's wings. Crazy, really, that i had never managed to love any man as more than a friend or a brother, yet now sitting beside a man that was mostly a psychopath, but occasionally a real person, i felt it. Maybe. I don't know. How do you know if you're in love when you've never been in love before? It wasn't a big thing. It was more a little glowing spark, the kind of spark that starts a fire if you blow on it, tend to it. It could be, it might be, i hoped it was, i hoped it wasn't love. Or at least, the beginnings of love. Because it couldn't be him. After all my searching for him, it couldn't be him, could it? But the crazy thing was, i _Wanted _it to be him. So, i took a breath, crossed my fingers, my toes and sent up a prayer to whichever deity was bored enough to be listening to my rambling thoughts.

"I've already found another man." I turned and looked him directly in the eyes, brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes "You."


	9. Chapter 9

**IMPORTANT a/n:**

**All the parts of this chapter that are in **_**italics**_** are the joker flashbacking. It'll make sense when you read it. Thanks again for the reviews and ratings on this fic, but I'm afraid there's only about four more chapters after this :( **

**Rachel's POV**

"I've already found a man" I whispered cupping his face in my hand, looking directly into his eyes "You"

"No" He stated bluntly "Not me". I blinked stupidly, fishlike as he gazed emptily back at me.

"Oh." The fingers of my hand curled from around his cheek and he abruptly pulled his body away from me, leaving my hand hanging in the air for a moment before I hastily dropped it. Then time started again and I placed one foot out of the car, thought for a moment, then pulled it back in. I slammed the door shut and crossed my arms as I turned my body to face him.

"Why not?" I demanded, wincing inwardly at how petulant I sounded, but still needing to know. I felt crushed by his rejection. The one time i'd put myself out there and i'd been rejected by a man with what was probably split personality disorder. Wonderful.

He groaned and looked away from me out of his window. Several minutes passed and he said nothing. I sighed and turned to get out of the car, conceding defeat when he finally spoke.

" It's a long story, about a man called Jack Napier..." he began quietly as raindrops began to patter onto the windscreen.

_Jack Napier did not like clowns. Not at all. But the police were onto his scent and closing in fast. He needed a place to hide and where better than a circus. He doubted that the police would expect a gangster to disguise himself as a clown._

_He smirked at the poster advertising the clown job and started walking jauntily down the road onto an enormous green area of grass where a brightly patterned circus tent stood. A big top, he thought it was called, but having never been to a circus, he hadn't a clue. _

**Jokers POV**

"Erm, what has this got to do with…"

"Everything" I snapped, angered at Rachel's interruption. She really had to learn some patience.

_Jack smiled glassily at the ringmaster, a slightly portly man in his mid forties with a glistening bald patch at the back of his head. His face beamed red and seemed to shine under the bright yellow lights directed at the stage. He reminded Jack of one of those Father Christmases you see in shopping malls that wear fake smiles to match their booze tinged breath. Jack immediately disliked the man._

_"Hello there sir, tickets can be bought over there for a tiny sum of-"_

_"I'm not here for the show" Jack interrupted the man, who dropped his smile for a terrified frown. "I'm here for the job, my names Jack" The man relaxed when he realised Jack wasn't a custmoer and immediately became dismissive. He huffed and dabbed his pate, glaring at jack._

_"The clown job? Yes, it would suit an idiotic moron like you. Then again, some people prefer to go on looks rather than brains" The man smirked as he looked at jack's expensive clothing and styled hair._

_" Weeell then" Jack drew out the word, assuming a thoughtful face, " I wonder what you're going to do, since you have neither" The man's eyes practically popped out as the rest of the clowns laughed appreciatively._

_"Silence " the man screamed and the circus crew hid smirks and a few winked at Jack over the ringmasters shoulder. "Well aren't we quite the joker" growled the man whose face had somehow managed to take on the colour and appearance of a large tomato. Well, more tomato like than it had been before. Which believe me, was saying something._

_"That's me" Grinned Jack, unable to resist winding the man up "I also love how you've made me not _A _joker, but _THE _joker. The one and the only Joker. Clearly you recognise my importance. But we digress, don't we?" The man clearly hadn't understood a word Jack had said. Jack rolled his eyes and slapped a hand to his head dramatically._

_"I'm surrounded by idiotic morons" he moaned woefully in an impression of the ringmasters voice and was rewarded with a few chuckles from the circus staff again. The other man's face was rapidly turning from tomato to puce and Jack could almost hear the ringmaster's teeth grinding. He forced himself to concentrate again, realising he wasn't really going the right way to getting a job and assumed a casual expression and straightened his tie._

_"Do you like my acting? I think it's very good, but what do you think? Do I qualify for the job." Jack smiled innocently._

_"Believe me, if there was anyone else who wanted the job, even if they were some tramp from off the street, I'd give it to them. Unfortunately, no one else applied, so it looks like you get the job 'Joker'." The man stalked off, massaging his ego, but jack couldn't resist one more parting jibe_

_"Um, my names jack, y'know, I did tell you that, do you have the memory of a goldfish to go with the rather vacant expression you're wearing?" He called after the man who disappeared behind a curtain to backstage._

_Jack snorted to himself and suddenly realised that everyone's eyes were on him. Most acknowledged him respectfully; probably because he'd just stood up to the ringmaster. There was one group that didn't seem so welcoming and that was the acrobats. In their midst stood a tall blond woman whose face was strangely angular. She smiled flirtatiously at him before being taken away by her scowling troop. He wolf whistled quietly as she walked by. She heard and looked up at him from under her lashes, smiling. She exited after the ringmaster and he smiled, watching the place she'd disappeared to. One of the clowns saw him looking and yawned out to him;_

_"I wouldn't bother. Even if i was a pretty boy like yeself. She's Emily, the ringmaster Cortes' daughter. He guards her like a prize jewel. The guy who used to have your job, weeell," The clown smirked "Rumour has it Cortes paid him off to stay away from her." The clown flicked away his cigarette butt and held out a grubby hand. " Names Jerry. Welcome to Hell"_

_Jerry began teaching Jack his new part in their act. It was pretty simple, throwing buckets of foam over each other, squirting water about, carrying ladders and generally doing obviously stupid things. All the time, Jack continued to watch Emily. Her hair shone under the lights and her steel eyes were full of laughter as they peeked over at him occasionally. In the final act, everyone came on stage and did a specific thing to them. The acrobat's cartwheeled and Emily twisted and swung upon a trapeze high in the roof of the tent. There was no safety net and jack spent a lot of the practice time bracing himself in case she should fall. She never did though; remaining in complete control she performed complex moves one after the other flawlessly. Cortes' eyes watched her almost greedily from the sidelines. At the end of the practice, Jerry called Jack over to him._

_"Cortes says that you need to perform Adams old trick for the finale." Jerry informed him awkwardly_

_Jack assumed Adam was the previous owner of his job. He yawned and nodded as he watched Emily clamber down and place a jacket over the costume she wore. She really was beautiful, he thought to himself. Snapping himself out of it, he turned his eyes to Jerry, who was watching him with a bemused expression._

_"Like her do you?" Jerry grinned and Jack punched his arm. "Nah, plenty of women around," Jack replied and jerry grinned, "What did Adam do then?" Jerry rolled his eyes._

_"Juggle fake knives. They looked real of course. Even feel real; I've got them here. "Jerry handed an large box to Jack, who opened it with an appreciative whistle._

_"They sure do look right," He murmured, weighing one in his hand. It was the right weight for a knife as well. "There is a catch to the trick of course" Jerry continued. "At the end you have to catch one in your teeth, so you end up with a knife in each hand and one in your mouth." Jack blanched. He'd always preferred guns to knives and catching one in his mouth sounded…dangerous. Jerry read his expression._

_"They're fake, so they won't hurt you." Jerry assured him_

_"Famous last words" Muttered Jack and Jerry laughed. The edges weren't sharp though, so jack decided he might as well do the trick. If he didn't, he'd lose the job and probably wouldn't see Emily again. That would be a shame he thought wistfully as she walked by him again and waved to him and Jerry, smiling, her arm linked through her father's right arm. He saw her action and glowering at Jack led her quickly out of the tent to the caravans the crew slept in…_

**Rachels POV**

I was beginning to think he was going mad. What was the point of this story? What did it have to do with him and me? I didn't want to interrupt again and risk his glaring eyes, so I just shifted uncomfortably. He noticed and smiled slightly.

"Maybe I should just give you the edited highlights from now on?" he suggested and I nodded gratefully. He opened his mouth and began speaking again. The rain had turned into a downpour pounding against the windows. It was freezing in the car so I slipped off my shoes, curled my feet underneath me and pulled his jacket closer around myself.

"A few months Passed…"

_Jack had learnt his trick now. It was perfectly timed and the audience loved it. He never failed to catch the 'knife' in his mouth at the end and was always rewarded with loud applause. Ever night though, it was not the audience that caught his gaze, but Emily. Every time she'd look back at him and smile as the secret passed between them. Cortes could only look on suspiciously; he never caught them together, Jack made sure of that. He'd been with the circus for three months now and the cops had lost his trail completely. He'd started off in Virginia but now the circus was finishing its tour in Gotham tomorrow night._

_He jumped off the stage once the applause had died down and ran backstage to take off the clown makeup. He surreptitiously blew a kiss to Emily as she walked off to her changing room. She pretended to catch it and laughed before disappearing from his view. Someone cleared their throat behind him and he glanced in the mirror to see Jerry standing there looking disapproving._

_"You could at least try to be less obvious" Jerry hissed. "Cortes will see you if you're not careful." Jack laughed_

_"Who cares if he does?"_

_"You do! The guys a psycho, I'm telling ya Jack, be careful of him." If Jack hadn't been so cocky, he would have maybe listened to Jerry._

_"I'm sure I can handle him" Jack thought of the gun in his boot, whilst combing his hair straight. "Besides, why should I be scared of my soon to be father in law?" Jack stated innocently, inwardly glowing with happiness. Jerry's jaw dropped._

_"No no no, Jack, don't. You can't be serious? You've only know her three months and you're tying the knot?" Jerry looked completely perplexed and Jack laughed at him._

_"We're in love jerry, it's the natural thing to do y'know. I'm going to break the news to Cortes." Jack stopped, thinking to himself. "What's Cortes' real name anyway? Emily told me that Cortes is just his stage name. She told me his first name is James, but do you know his surname? It'd be rude if it looked like I'd forgotten" Jack grinned sheepishly at Jerry who sighed._

_"I was told it once, endo-something. I don't know…"_

_"Thanks!" Jack ran from the room before jerry completed his sentence._

_Jerry shook his head. "No good will come of this," he told his reflection, sighing._

_"MARRIED!" James shrieked, "To this, this... BUFFOON?" He stabbed an accusatory finger at Jack, who calmly replied_

_"Yes, that's right James, I can call you James can't I? Or should I call you dad, which do you prefer?" Jack asked politely, trying to be cordial but failing._

_"INSOLENCE! BASTARD! YOU WILL NOT HAVE MY DAUGHTER!"_

_"I think you'll find I will, she chose me" Jack frowned, trying to remain as polite as possible. Emily just hid her face in his shoulder and he felt slight irritation that she would not face her father._

_"SHE WOULD NOT CHOOSE YOU!" Spittle flew from the mans mouth "EMILY? DID YOU CHOOSE THIS MAN?" Emily moved her face only far enough away from Jacks shoulder to reply simply;_

_"Yes father I did"_

_There was a hushed silence as the man slowly deflated in front of them. Then he smiled craftily. "If you marry this man Emily, I will disown you from my will and you will receive nothing of your inheritance from your mother." He stated smugly. "How will you buy your expensive clothes now?" Emily looked aghast and looked at Jack in shock, pulling away ever so slightly. "If however, you chose to marry another man, like hmm… Jerry perhaps? Yes. Jerry is a good man. If you marry a man like Jerry, I will keep you in my will."_

_"She doesn't need your money" Snarled Jack, clutching Emily closer, "I'll provide for her, I've got plenty of money" He looked down at Emily reassuringly "You'll never go hungry or want for anything " He promised her and her golden smile returned._

_"You heard Daddy" She smiled at her father, "tonight is our last night at the circus, then we're leaving to live in Gotham together. I'm so Happy" She smiled radiantly and went to embrace her father who flicked her away, a ghostly pale expression settling on his face._

_"You will pay for trying to take my daughter away Jack Napier. And you Emily," He whispered dementedly, "you are not my daughter anymore". Emily yawned._

_"Don't be so dramatic Daddy. Come on Jack, lets go plan the wedding" She grabbed Jacks hand and pulled him from her dad's caravan. Jack stole one quick glance at the face of the old ringmaster. The expression he wore made him look like he had aged a decade. Grim determination fused with grief was carved onto the older man's pudgy features. For the first time since he had met Emily's father, Jack was afraid of him._

**Jokers POV**

"Emily sounds like a right bitch" Grumbled Rachel to my side. I frowned at her perception of Emily. I'd not thought of Emily in years, and yes, now she did seem a little money obsessed and loved to go shopping, but don't most women? "She sound like she almost dumped Jack when she heard she wouldn't get any money. Then she dumped her father when she found out she didn't need any money from him" She continued thoughtfully before glancing at me. She shrugged.

"What happens next?"

I sighed and started the next bit. The hard bit.

_The final night of the show. Gotham city in all its majesty shone around the circus tent. Jack laughed and kissed Emily softly. Soon they'd be free. Her father stood on the stage and fired his pistol into the air through the specially made hole in the centre of the tents roof. The show started and Jack began to relax as everything went normally. Despite his threats, it seemed Emily's father had let go. After all, he was just a defeated old man._

_It was time for the finale and this time all of the acrobats were on the trapezes, Emily directly in the centre. Jack had centre stage for his knife throwing. Cortes handed him the knives containing box, smiling in a sickly, almost queasy way._

"_Good luck in your act. Make sure it goes well" Cortes muttered to him. Jack smiled back, thinking Cortes may have accepted his and Emily's union. He hoped so. He didn't want to be taking Emily away from her father, who clearly loved her. Maybe the possibility of losing his daughter had awakened the man to Jack's charms...or something like that._

"_I sure will" Jack ran to the stage clutching his knives and began to juggle faster than he had in previous shows, desperate to make a good impression. The knives whirled around and round until his cue came and he hurled one high up into the air, positioning himself below it ready to catch. The knife plummeted back down, rotating as it came. It was only when it fell into a beam of light and the metal glinted that jack realised. James had swapped the fake rubbery plastic knifes for real knives. _

**Rachel POV**

I gagged when he told me. What sort of sick person would do that? I knew why the story was relevant now though.

"Jacks you isn't he?" I whispered. His eyes were full of pain as he nodded. I breathed in deeply and closed my eyes. I think I preferred the story where he got his scars because of his wife.

"I was lucky the knife landed horizontally, otherwise it would have cut out my tongue." I heard him say and I groaned before licking my lips.

"This isn't the whole story though is it, Jack" A strange expression crossed his face when I used his name. "You told me how you got your scars, but you're not telling me why we can't be together."

In short unfinished sentence, he finished emily's story.

_James Laughed maniacally as blood spurted from Jacks mouth, which Jack was desperately trying to stem with his shaking fingers. Then he pulled out his gun. Years of practice at aiming the gun safely out of the tent had left James a good shot and in one sharp crack, one of the ropes that held Emily's trapeze was shorn in two and Emily was hanging from the remaining rope. James took another shot at the other rope but missed as Jerry jumped on him. Jack climbed up the acrobat's ladders, ran along the beams and grabbed Emily's hand as the remaining rope frayed under her weight. Blood was running into his mouth making him choke and gag. He didn't have the strength to hold onto her. She couldn't gain a grip on his bloodsoaked hands, her fingers slipping through his._

_"Jack, oh my god! I'm slipping! What did he do to you! Oh my GOD!" Her mascara framed eyes were popping out of her head as she looked at his deformed features. Then she fell to earth where she lay eyes wide and frantic, staring up at him, yet not seeing him. Jack ran down the ladders screaming her name, cradled her head in his lap as a medic felt for a pulse. There was no pulse, he didn't need the medic to tell him that. The expression on her face was that of terror and disbelief, the expression she'd worn when she'd seen his broken face, his ugly, maimed features. Tears mixed with blood and clown makeup, making his face a collage of different, swirling hues. He was a hideous monster, staring at beauty herself, lying cold and dead on the floor in front of him._

_James threw off Jerry and shot the clown five times in the chest before turning to Jack, who stood and held his arms wide._

_"Go ahead" He begged the madman, laughing, spitting blood out so that he could speak. "You've already taken my best friend and my fiancé. Go on. Do it James. Be a MAN. COME ON JAMES! You hated me the second i walked into this tent, so WATCHA WAITING FOR?" James raised the gun just as the police arrived and jumped on him, pulling the weapon away from him. A medic pulled at Jacks arm, but got thrown off. Jack ran out of the circus like he was running from the devil. He sprinted through the Gotham streets until he collapsed in some dingy alleyway somewhere, fainting against the wall. Whether he fainted from blood loss or from grief…he still didn't know._

**Jokers POV**

I won't have anyone die like Emily. I never want to feel that way again. I... liked...loved? Rachel, but I'm a criminal and I've got enemies. Even if she assumed an alias to come be with me, soon enough people would realise the missing DA's assistant and the joker's new girl were one and the same. That's what I wanted to tell Rachel. Instead I simply said;

"Get out. I can never love anyone like I did Emily. Not anyone, especially not you Rachel Dawes" She was crying but I didn't look at her as she got out of the car and slammed the door, running inside through the storm.

No doubt straight into Harvey's arms, I thought bitterly. I still hadn't told her all of the story though. I hadn't told her that James had been found innocent. He knew high up people in the police force, or rather the mob did. James was ferrying drugs for the mob around the country as the circus travelled and they didn't want him to talk, simple as that. So dear Mr Maroni told his guys to let him off Scot free. Who got the blame? Good ol' Jack Napier of course. I'd changed my name and changed my personality. Because I couldn't be Jack anymore, because Jack had lost everything. The Joker had nothing to lose and better still, he didnt care about ANYONE. No way to get hurt, no guilt, no grief, no morals. Just anger at the people in the city he'd wound up in.

Of course, I also didn't tell her that as soon as the police had released him, I'd gone after him. I'd scarred his mouth and for good measure cut out his tongue too. Then I broke both of his legs and his left arm, but i didn't break his neck like Emily had, that would be too quick; I wanted him to suffer. Then i shot five bullets into his chest with the gun he used to kill Jerry. Then as he slowly died from the bullets in his stomach, i cut out his heart. Just like he cut out mine. I took his gun and kept it with me always. The gun Rachel had picked up by accident. I could see it clearly in my mind, covered in James' blood.

James Endersby had made me a killer. Emily Endersby had taught me to love and Jerry had been my only friend. So what was Rachel Dawes to me?

**Did you like it? :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm really sorry for not updating. I had incurable writers block until I looked at the date I last submitted a chapter (a month and a half ago). So I'm sorry if this chapter and the next is a little weak, please review and enjoy.**

She slammed the apartment's door behind her, shivering as she tossed her keys in the bowl by the door. Only then did she let the great sob she'd been holding in rack her small frame. She ripped the tattered remains of her suit from her body and ran into the kitchen, throwing the pieces into a rough metal bin. She whirled around and threw open the kitchen 'junk' drawer and scrabbled around inside it, flinging various items out onto the floor in her half-crazed search.

Her fingers finally clamped around the small matchbox and she laughed triumphantly before striking a match and dropping it into the bin.

As the flames curled around her clothing, she held up the only garment to escape the flames. The joker's jacket. Her hand dangled it over the fire, the flames licking up their container towards it. She desperately wanted to forget what had happened that afternoon, what might have happened and what would never happen. After what seemed like hours, but could only have been minutes, she slowly withdrew her hand.

She slid to the floor, bringing the lapel of the jacket to her nose. She closed her eyes and remembered how he'd kissed her before, and for a moment she felt like he was there with her. Then her mobile rang.

She swore explosively and ran for some water. She'd left the phone in her suit pocket. The fire sizzled as she threw water from the tap onto it. She grabbed a tea towel and gingerly sifted through the charred remains until she came upon her mobile.

The machine was blackened and hot through the material, but in miraculously good shape. The lining of the blazer had protected it from the worst of the fire and, as Rachel recalled from her science classes, metal had a high melting point.

She answered the call, holding the device as far from her ear as possible whilst still being able to hear the caller.

"Hello? Rachel? It's Ramirez, we need you down at major crimes, Harvey's gone AWOL and I hate to ask, but we need your help to try deal with this thing."

"Sure" She replied, "give me 30 minutes and I'll be there. She ended the call and threw the phone against the wall. The warped metal smashed against the concrete.

Reality dawned on her a little as she looked down at the bin. Harvey couldn't find this. He'd refer her to a psychiatrist. She tipped the ashes and pieces of phone into a black bin bag and hesitated before leaving the jacket out and tying the top of the bag. She retrieved James Endersby's gun from the hall where it had dropped out of her pocket and wrapped the jacket around it.

She stalked into the bed room in its orderly, black and white theme. She climbed onto the bed and stood on tiptoes to reach the ceiling. The ceiling of the room was divided into squares, coloured black and white like a chess board. Each of the white squares was actually just tinted and contained a light behind them.

Rachel pressed up the black square directly over her side of the bed. It slid upwards. It had been loose since an electrician had come in to fix one of the lights. She tossed the bundle of the jacket and gun into the dark space there before replacing the panel carefully. She smiled. Now she would always have a small piece of him nearby.

She glanced at the clock and swore again. Running barefoot to the mirrored wardrobe she looked emptily at her reflection. Her hair was mussed up, her eyeliner smudged and her carefully applied red lipstick was now smeared across her face. She laughed. She only needed a suit and she'd look like a female version of the joker.

She dressed into a new black suit and made her way outside, tossing the bin bag down the alleyway next to the flats where it blended in with others of its type. She frowned when she realised she'd left her car parked near the parade. Sighing, she began the long walk to the MCU.

**Rachels POV**

It was good to work. My mind was so full trying to sort out the paperwork, check the CCTV, I almost forgot about the events of the afternoon with the joker. Jack. I frowned. I still kept thinking of his name as 'The Joker'. _Maybe I'll just shorten it to 'J' or 'jay'. Hmm, yeah...that'll be my name for him…jay. _My courtesy phone jangled annoyingly. The caller ID read 'Harvey'. I hesitated before accepting the call.

"Rachel? Where are you?"

"Where you should be, major crimes sorting out the mess…"

"It's not safe there you have to go-"

"This is Gordon's unit, he trusted these men-"

"Yeah and look what happened to him! The jokers named you next" My stomach lurched uncomfortably.

"Is there anyone we can trust?"

I sighed and nodded to myself. "Bruce. We can trust Bruce Wayne."

"Look Rachel I know he's your friend but-"

"We can trust him" I interrupted firmly. "Trust me Harvey, Bruce's apartment is the safest place in the city right now."

"Good. Go straight there now. Don't tell anyone where you're going. I love you" he hung up on me. I looked at the phone stupidly for a second before mumbling:

"Well that was rude" And a lie.

**Half an hour later, Rachels POV**

On second thoughts, maybe it wasn't a good idea to come here.

Bruce's eyes bored into me. He was giving himself up. The man that was a brother to me, my one and only true friend. His question hung in the air between us.

Did I mean it when I said we would be together? The answer was no. But I was his one chance at a normal life and he was about to go to jail. How could I deny him? How could I break his soul like the Joker had broken mine? Gotham needed Batman. Batman needed me. So instead I found myself answering.

"Yes" Then his lips met mine and I was thrown into turmoil. Would I marry Harvey or Bruce? Then again, did it really matter when I loved neither of them. Then again, at least Bruce actually loved me and wasn't secretly screwing a mob boss. A MALE mob boss, might i add...


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter eleven Part one: The beginning of the end.**

His breathing was ragged, feverish as he downed another whisky, relishing the scorching pain as it hit his throat. He licked his lips loudly, smacking them together and gave a drunken giggle at the television screen.

"Harvey, Harvey, Harvey Dent, c'mon now, do it do it," His face an inch from the screen he saw his eyes staring madly back at him in his faint reflection

"C'mon, give me the batman, tell. me. who. he. IS." The joker's eyes shone in frantic anticipation as the press meeting unfolded.

"So be it," the picture of Harvey sighed, "Take the Batman into custody"

"Yes but who is he?" the joker whacked the side of the television as the reporter repeated his own question "TELL ME YOU-"

"I am the batman" Harvey said solemnly as the room went into uproar.

The joker laughed until tears ran from his eyes. He laughed till he had no breath to laugh and instead choked out pathetic gurgles, clutching at his sides.

The henchman laughed with him, grateful their boss was back after his unusual run in with that DA's assistant, Rachel Dawes. So they laughed too, until the joker shot three of them straight in the chest.

"ANYONE ELSE FIND IT FUNNY?" he roared, throwing his whisky glass at the wall. It smashed into a thousand crystal pieces that crunched under the joker's feet as he paced up and down, thinking intensely.

_Curse him! Damn Harvey Dent! He may as well have stuck a big red target on Rachel's chest and very nicely asked the mob not to shoot her. DAMN DAMN DAMN. Why am I surrounded by idiots? Why me? Why him? Oh, of course her head's going to roll for this, think about it harvey! Maroni aint gunna be pleased that Batman's been getting so up close and personal with him. Oh no, and who's he going to take it out on? Rachel. Bloody. Dawes._

He slammed from the room into his private study. His men were already clearing up the dead bodies; since the commissioners service they'd got used to him killing people for no reason.

_She needs protecting, proper protection, by someone who cares about her. Not that bumbling playboy Bruce Wayne; he's too busy looking after his public image and getting himself a reputation with girls. Where could I hide her though? Nowhere's safe for the mob, and…_

A horrible thought occurred to him. _What if they want me to kill her? Ohhhh Jack wouldn't like that no sirreee..._

_Somewhere safe, away from the mob, away from anyone who could be dangerous, away from here ..._

He stopped pacing abruptly and tottered over drunkenly. When he thought about it, it was so OBVIOUS. Noone could protect her while she was alive, so….

"I have to kill Rachel," He laughed to himself manically, helping himself to a celebratory whisky.


	12. Chapter 11 p2

**Chapter eleven Part two: Calm before the storm**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Batman, or any of the characters.**

All through the pain, she held herself high and proud, taking long easy strides, heels clicking, makeup perfectly applied, her lips in a fixed smile.

People looked down their noses at her as she made her way along the long walk through the building to her office. People stopped talking as she approached, their eyes guiltily cast down to the floor.

She was grateful they avoided direct eye contact. She was afraid that if they looked to deeply into her glistening orbs, they would see the raw emotion, the emptiness that was eating away at her.

It was only an hour since Harvey's dramatic announcement, but since half the city had been watching the news to find out who Batman was, the news had travelled like wildfire, getting more elaborate as it travelled from ear to ear. Some stories had her involved as some sort of sidekick; most involved her knowing Harvey was Batman.

She tutted. Anyone who knew her from her childhood days would know that whenever they played cops and robbers, she was always the robber. How strange that she'd ended up serving out justice. No wonder she ended up loving a criminal. Always one for the bad boys.

Her fingers clamped around the smooth brass door handle as she twisted it to enter her office that she shared with Harvey. She ignored Harvey's empty desk and crossed over to the full-length windows and let the blinds down. She strode briskly back over the length of the room and closed the door firmly shut on any prying eyes. Only then did she fall into Harvey's chair and let the sobs for Harvey, for herself and her angry tears at Bruce leak out.

She reached for a pen and piece of paper. She had a letter to write.

Alfred cocked his head inquisitively at her as he took the letter softly from her hands.

"You want me to give this to Master Wayne? Now?"

"No" Rachel did her best to smile. Alfred frowned

"Give it to him when the time's right." She answered the unspoken question on his face.

"Its unsealed" She smiled, "You'll know when." Understanding dawned on his face and she turned to go.

"Rachel?" the old man she thought of as family hesitated before asking, "You are alright aren't you?"

The Hole in her soul seemed to split wide open at his words and it was all she could do to throw a dazzlingly false smile on her face and reply casually;

"Of course I am; why wouldn't I be?"

The night was black as coal, the stars seemingly hidden away in fear. The same could not be said for Harvey, who seemed to think this was all a game. Rachel groaned and tried to persuade him to reconsider one last time as he climbed into the back of the SWAT van. He laughed away her worries and flicked that stupid coin of his high into the air.

"You can't leave something like that to chance!" she yelled, frustrated. This was the man she had to spend the rest of her life with. The secretly gay man. He smiled back at her, tossing the coin to her.

"I don't" The doors slammed on him. Though she didn't know it then, that was the last time she ever saw Harvey Dent. She turned the coin over in her hands and admiration flowed through her at the sight of the two heads. Harvey had always bet heads. She smiled at the departing SWAT van.

"You make your own luck" She slipped it into her pocket where she could feel it cold against her skin, even through the fabric. Reminding her she was alive.

"Miss Dawes?" an uncertain, almost guilty sounding voice called her name and she whirled about before smiling at Lieutenant Ramirez.

"With Harvey revealed as Batman, we need to take you to a safe place." The lieutenant shrugged wryly before adding softly "It's what Jim would have done." Rachel nodded; it made sense. She would be Harvey's most obvious weakness.

"Where am I going?" The lieutenant smiled, the expression not quite reaching her eyes.

"I don't know." She confessed "Just somewhere safe."

Rachel nodded and unwittingly entered the lieutenant's car.

**Rachel's POV**

I bit down hard on my captor's hand and the masked man grunted in pain but never lessened his iron grip on my arm. Ramirez had betrayed me. I was going to die. I refused to cry, even when they tied me down on a chair beside a large number of barrels. I'd seen enough action movies to know whatever was in those barrels wasn't friendly. In a way I was relieved to be escaping my hideously complicated life and the man in the makeup. But the majority of me was screaming inwardly. I didn't want to die without seeing Jack Napier again. My mind was plagued by split images of him. I loathed the joker killing people, I loved Jack's quick wit and awkward half-smile. I loathed him, but at the same time lived for a chance to see him, touch him, smell him.

Only a month ago, my heart had beat for Bruce, for Harvey, for Alfred, for every one of my friends in Gotham. Now it felt like I had a stone in my chest, a hard heart, unable to love or be loved, because i knew that i could never be loved back.

Somehow I knew it would only beat for one person, but at the same time I also knew his heart would never beat like that for me, only for the thrill of a cunning crime to wreak revenge upon the mob for the death of the women who had meant everything to him. I laughed in bitter realisation. I may as well let them kill me. I had nothing left to live for. I felt like Jack must have felt that day when Emily died. My own life didnt matter anymore.

**Jokers POV**

I was being selfish, I knew I was. As Batman Sped towards me on his new Bat-Bike-thingamabob (which I was instantly jealous of) I pulled my gun off of him and spread my arms wide

"Do it!" I called, thinking of the obscene things that were happening just a few blocks away

"DO IT! I WANT YOU TO DO IT!" I was screaming now, the madness seeping through me. Batman was wrestling with himself too. He let forth a strangled yelp and veered off to my left, crashing in a heap.

I snorted. What a wimp. I could hardly believe I'd expected him and Harvey to take care of Rachel. Then again, with one of them at least then she'd have the chance to live.

I sauntered over to Batman to take off his mask once and for all. It was all part of the plan.

**Rachel's POV**

They weren't going to kill me, my captors told me. They had Harvey too and were letting our friends decide which one to save. I knew that by 'friends' they meant Batman. Bruce would never let me die, not when with Harvey dead he could have me to himself. Now with Jim gone, I was afraid there was no one to make him go after Harvey, Gotham's 'shining light' instead of me. With Harvey the dream of a Gotham without the fear of crime was all but gone.

I suppose that for a while I just sat there wallowing in self pity, waiting for Bruce to come and get me. There was no doubt in my mind now. What a useless irony. I would be saved when I didn't want to live. Harvey loved his life and he would die.

I knew that Harvey was going to die. I could hear him breathing through the phone they'd put in front of me. He was a friend. A good friend. I couldn't let his final moments be me screaming at him for betraying me about Maloney. I sucked in a deep breath.

This is it Rachel, I told myself. No more Sorrow. Get a grip, move on. You will never be with the guy you love. Maybe that's a good thing. God knows loads of people have it happen to them. Move on.  
I could feel my resolve strengthening. I would give Harvey the assurance he needed before he died. Then once I was free I would leave Gotham. I would let the joker and Batman play their little games. But I would no longer be a pawn in them. I'd be a queen, the most powerful piece on the board, Make my own decisions, rule my own life for the first time.

People thought I was weak. Silly little Rachel, brought up in the lap of luxury, never needed anything because her life was perfectly planned by her control freak parents. They were right. It was time to start living. Funny how the danger of dying gave me the will to live.

Something I heard from TV popped into my head randomly and I smiled.

_Never do tomorrow what you can do today, because you never know how much time you have left. _

The thought saddened me a little, because I knew exactly how long Harvey had left. I licked my lips. Time for the act.

"Hellooo!" I called "Can anyone hear me?"

"Rachel?" Harvey's voice met mine, questioning.

"Harvey" I sighed out.

I exchanged pointless conversation with him, trying to get him to find a way out. I knew Bruce would probably come for me, but I couldn't find the energy to be grateful I was safe. Right now Harvey needed help. He needed to be told I loved him, because that's what he wanted to hear (I think).

"My answer is yes. I will marry you" My mouth formed the words just as Harvey screamed a great lament from the other side of the phone.

"NO! NO! WHY ARE YOU COMING FOR ME?"

My stomach lurched. I was going to die after all. Now THAT was ironic, considering I'd just convinced myself staying alive was a good idea. So, i was going to die. I'd never been a creationist, but faced with my death I was forced to think about where I was going next. I don't think I'd been a particularly bad person, I doubted I'd go to hell. But Jack wouldn't get into heaven. That I was sure of. No god, whoever they were, could put me into heaven's 'eternal bliss' if jack wasn't there.

A half smile formed when I realised that heaven, hell, whatever. I'd take anything just so long as I saw him again one day, whether he loved me or not. That knowledge filled me with a kind of warm light as I accepted that my old life was at its end and that wherever I was going, I would be free.

"It's going to be ok" I told Harvey and though tears dripped from my eyes, I meant it.

The numbers on the dial continued clicking down while I remembered something my mother once told me as a child.

_I love you very much Rachel, most of the time you're a good girl, but sometimes you are heaven's devil if you ask me._

I smiled. As it turns out my mum was right. I had ended up being quite a bad girl, associating with criminals and a vigilante. But I didn't regret it for a second.

People say that in the second before someone dies, their life flashes before him. But as the sound of the barrels blowing filled my ears, only one person was on my mind, smiling his crooked half smile.

I hope you liked,** there will be one more chapter** so keep reading for the grand finale…when I upload it lol.


End file.
